SM: Is it wrong to get a girlfriend who isn’t a Christian?
Ed: No it’s not wrong. You need to be aware, though. If you form a deep emotional tie with someone who doesn’t share your faith there’s a risk that it will cloud your judgement and cause you to compromise your faith. A follower of Christ has entirely different values, standards and behaviours from people who do not have the same faith.
Jesus Christ gave his followers a rule for living: ‘“Abide in my love”’ (John 15:9). Of course this is easier to do if the person you’re dating shares your faith, but it’s not impossible if they don’t.
It’s important that a follower of Christ declares from the start of any relationship who they are, and what they are. Jesus Christ is their first love and their first loyalty (Matthew 10:37). Their way of life (1 Peter 1:16), the way they spend their time (Luke 2:49), their commitment to their Lord and their brothers and sisters (John 14:15), make them different from other people. In particular, their moral standards are different from what is normal in most societies today (Ephesians 5:11), and they will not engage in behaviours that might seem normal to people who do not share their faith.
If you make this clear and stick to your principles, there is likely to be one of two outcomes. One is that the relationship ends; the other is that your girlfriend will want to know more about what makes you the way you are. Experience shows that people have been brought to God by being first attracted to His people—which has always been God’s intention (Deuteronomy 4:6).
There may come a time when you’re thinking of marriage, and that is the time to make a serious choice: ‘Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?’ (2 Corinthians 6:14.) Jesus Christ loves us and gave himself for us (Ephesians 5:2), and he wants us to return his love. ‘Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me’ (Matthew 10:37). If a disciple of Christ chooses to give themselves in the most intimate human union to someone who does not share their love for Christ, what does that say about their discipleship?
